Produced in collaboration with Miracle Babies Foundation and Life's Little Treasures Foundation.
Navigating the unexpected
When you find out you’re expecting a baby, it’s common to visualise what the birth might be like and what it might be like when you bring your baby home from hospital or the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit).
For some parents who give birth prematurely, or to a sick baby who requires immediate medical care, there is often no way to prepare in advance. Although specialist care can sometimes predict premature birth, research highlights that around 75% of parents didn’t know they were at risk before their baby was born.
Having a baby is a life-changing event and any parent can develop mental health challenges, such as anxiety and depression, during pregnancy or after giving birth (or during their partner’s pregnancy or after their partner gives birth).
If you’re a parent of a premature or sick baby, you’re even more likely to have your mental health impacted due to challenging experiences. These might include:
1
Feeling shocked and unprepared for the way you experienced birth and the newborn phase.
2
You or your baby might have needed emergency care
3
Fearing for yours or your baby’s wellbeing
4
Things not going as you’d hoped or planned
5
Challenges from needing to be in hospital longer than you expected
Research shows that more than half of parents whose baby (or babies) spends time in the NICU experience a significant impact on their mental health.
Not a straightforward journey
If you aren’t given enough information about what is happening to you or your baby, you are more likely to experience struggles with your mental health.
You may also struggle with feelings of sadness, anger and guilt as well as grief or mourning for the experiences you imagined for your baby and family versus your new reality.
You may spend so much time focusing on the needs of your premature or sick baby that you don’t prioritise your own mental health.
Or you may cope with the worries of having a premature or sick baby by focusing on something else, such as work, or caring for other children.
Some parents can find the NICU a confronting place and may not want to spend all their time there.
If you feel able to spend some time at the hospital, this can help you bond with your baby and increase your confidence as a parent which may make things a little easier when your baby goes home.
Perinatal anxiety and depression can be mild, moderate or severe. The symptoms can begin suddenly after birth or gradually in the weeks and months before or after giving birth. Some parents can develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) from the experience of having a premature or sick baby.
If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, (or any other symptoms) that are affecting your daily function or mental and emotional wellbeing after your baby's birth, it’s a good idea to talk to someone, such as your GP or other healthcare professional.
We also know that partners of birth mothers to very premature babies are also likely to experience depression and anxiety, at similar rates to birth mothers.
Transitioning to life at home
Bringing your premature or sick baby (or babies) home from hospital can lead to mixed emotions. After the high level of care provided at the NICU, some parents experience worries that they are now in charge of the care their baby requires, especially if on-going medical care is needed at home.
Some parents who may have accessed mental health support during their NICU stay may find once they are home with their baby that less support is available to them.
Life at home involves a new routine and you may find this adjustment challenging.
Try to be kind to yourself and reduce expectations for what those early days will be like.
Some parents may develop health-related anxiety after having a premature or sick baby, even once their baby has recovered and is doing well. You may feel a heightened sense of anxiety when your baby cries and fear that your baby is in pain or unwell. You may experience flashbacks to your baby’s time in hospital which can be distressing.
Sleep
Parents may also experience sleep deprivation which is unrelated to baby waking up. You may feel the need to monitor baby at all times, as they were in hospital.
Getting help
Research shows that the mental health of parents of premature or sick babies does improve over time.
“Parental mental health plays a significant role in the well-being of the entire family unit.”
“By acknowledging and addressing their own emotional needs, parents can cultivate resilience, strengthen their ability to support their child, and foster a positive family environment conducive to growth and flourishing.”
Reaching out for help is one of the best things you can do for your mental health. Our team at PANDA is here to support you no matter what you are wondering about, feeling or experiencing. The PANDA National Helpline is available Monday to Saturday on 1300 726 306.
Two Australian organisations who specifically provide care to families of premature and sick babies are Miracle Babies Foundation and Life’s Little Treasures Foundation.
Miracle Babies Foundation offers a comprehensive parent-to-parent support program available from the time of a high-risk pregnancy,tothe time spent in a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) or Special Care Nursery (SCN), to the transition to home and beyond. This support also includes the loss of a baby cared for by a NICU/SCN. This program is provided free to Australia’s miracle families and includes play and support groups after discharge from hospital
Life’s Little Treasure Foundation (LLTF) provides practical support, information, education and community connection to assist families of babies born prematurely or sick. LLTF run three NICU Connections online peer support groups for parents/carers, one in hospital when first navigating the NICU/SCN, one for Dads and male carers and another for when parents transition home. These groups are run by trained LLTF staff and volunteers with the lived experience of having a premature or sick baby, to offer a safe space to connect, find support and talk with other families in a similar situation. These sessions are run via online closed Facebook groups via the commenting function, so you can sit with your baby and join in cot-side using your own personal device.
Self-care and wellbeing
Self-care often takes on new forms when you are a parent. Becoming a parent or having a new baby is a time of huge change for almost every aspect of your life. Showing yourself kindness and giving yourself time is important.
As a parent of a premature or sick baby, it’s important to celebrate the small wins. It might not mean your baby is coming home this week, but each little positive step is worth celebrating.
You may also find it helpful to have someone such as a partner or family member advocate for your mental health if you don’t have the time or ability to advocate for yourself.
Tips for parents of premature or sick babies from someone who's been there
“Set boundaries early with family and friends to avoid feeling overwhelmed. Advocate for yourself and your baby. It is important to be informed about your baby’s condition and care. Take time for yourself, whether it is spending time outdoors or practicing mindfulness.”
Tips for friends and family supporting parents from someone who's been there
“Respect parents' boundaries and do not overwhelm them with messages. Celebrate small victories—milestones that may seem insignificant to others are monumental to parents. Offer specific, practical help and avoid adding pressure by asking about the baby’s discharge from the hospital.”
Articles
PANDA National Helpline
Find someone to talk to, Monday to Saturday.
1300 726 306
Call 000 for police and ambulance if you or someone else are in immediate danger
Talk with friends or family
Consider talking about how you are feeling with someone you trust. This might be a friend or family member. Once you starting talking you might be surprised at how many others have had similar experiences and the support they can provide you.
Talk with your doctor
Talking with your doctor can be an important step to getting the help you need. They should be able to give you non-judgemental support, assessment, diagnosis, and ongoing care and treatment. They can also refer you to specialists such as a counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist.
Get help now
If you are having suicidal thoughts or are feeling disorientated it’s important to get help immediately. PANDA is not a crisis service, if you need immediate support call Lifeline 13 11 14 (24/7).
Mental health checklist
How are you going?
Everyone’s experience of pregnancy, birth and parenting is unique and brings different rewards and challenges. Our mental health checklist can help you to see if what you’re experiencing or observing in a loved one could be reason to seek help.
PANDA CHATBOT
Chat to Dot
Meet Dot. They’re here to support you to explore your mental health and wellbeing during pregnancy and as a new parent.