Antonia’s story: Mental Health and Wellbeing While Caring for a Premature Baby

As a mother of two young children living in regional Australia, where access to specialist neonatal care is limited, my journey into motherhood took unexpected turns, especially with the premature birth of my first child. Before having children, perinatal mental health was not something I considered, and I do not recall it being emphasised at any health appointments. Like many, I was more focused on the exciting milestones of pregnancy, unaware of the mental and emotional challenges that could arise.

We had grand plans and expectations for parenthood, shaped by family, culture, and society. But when my first child was born prematurely (before 37 weeks), I quickly realised that many of those expectations were far from reality. This was difficult to reconcile at first, but over time, I have come to understand that this shift is a natural part of the journey into parenthood.

A Stay in the Neonatal Unit After a Premature Birth

When my eldest child was born early, we found ourselves in a neonatal care unit far from home. This experience was unexpected, and without knowing anyone who had been through something similar, it felt overwhelming. We were constantly in a state of limbo, uncertain about our baby’s progress and when he would be able to leave the hospital. The medical challenges were daunting, and they affected our time, energy, and mental health.

Looking back, I did not process my feelings around the premature birth until later.

Transitioning to Parenthood at Home

Leaving the neonatal unit and coming home felt surreal, like the IKEA commercial where the woman yells "start the car!" because she is worried the great deals were a mistake. We could not believe we were allowed to go home. But the adjustment was difficult. Just when I thought I had mastered one aspect of parenting, everything would change. Every suggestion to join parent groups or engage in activities did not turn out as expected, which added to the challenges of maintaining a positive mindset.

Impact on Mental Health and Wellbeing

The impact on my mental health crept in slowly. Initially, I did not recognise the signs. I was determined to manage everything on my own, despite being beyond exhausted. The societal and cultural expectations weighed on me, making me feel less confident in my ability to be the mother I wanted to be. I became increasingly isolated, too embarrassed to share my struggles with others.

The experience with my first child significantly affected my mental health when planning for our second child. I noticed I was more anxious, and preparing for any scenario that might go wrong. I realised that I needed support and help.

Seeking Help

My husband was incredibly supportive when I sought mental health support, and together we adjusted our expectations of parenting. Living in a small community, I prioritised confidentiality, and while finding telehealth options was not easy, I eventually connected with an exceptional psychologist. Her support was transformative, which allowed me to work through my fears and anxiety about parenthood and having additional children.

Before the birth of our second child, I took a much more proactive approach to my mental and physical health. This preparation, coupled with the experience of my first child, allowed me to feel more in control. Our second child was born during the pandemic, and the calmer, more structured environment made a significant difference to our family’s wellbeing.

I prioritise routines like journaling, quiet time, mindfulness, and daily movement.

I have also carved out time for hobbies and creative expression, which has helped me feel more balanced.

My experiences led me to complete studies in perinatal mental health. It is a passion I now share with others, encouraging them to seek help early and lean into their strength and resilience.

Tips for Other Parents of Premature Babies

• Set boundaries early with family and friends to avoid feeling overwhelmed. 
• Advocate for yourself and your baby. It is important to be informed about your baby’s condition and care. 
• Take time for yourself, whether it is spending time outdoors or practicing mindfulness. 

Tips for Family and Friends Supporting Parents of Premature Babies

• Respect parents' boundaries and do not overwhelm them with messages. 
• Celebrate small victories—milestones that may seem insignificant to others are monumental to parents. 
• Offer specific, practical help and avoid adding pressure by asking about the baby’s discharge from the hospital.