Sometimes our hopes and dreams for our birth experience don't match the reality of what happens when we have a baby. Birth complications can include physical and emotional difficulties and it can be hard to process.
Sometimes during the birth process, things might have been rushed or didn’t go to plan. You might have felt you hadn’t really understood what was happening or what you were giving consent to. You might have felt powerless or that you had no control over the situation.
Here you'll find information about experiencing a complicated birth, and some tips to help you find extra support if you need it.
“I thought the birth would go a certain way and it just didn’t turn out how I expected.”
Helpful Information
Birth trauma and recovery
What is intervention?
Sometimes during the birth, health care providers may identify an increased risk or possibility of risk to the health of mother and/or baby. After an assessment, healthcare providers may advise that the safest option is to use methods or tools to assist the birth. They will discuss the options and risks with the parents and together a decision is made whether to assist the birth. This is known as an ‘intervention’.
Types of interventions might include an induction, pain relief, an emergency caesarean section, an episiotomy, blood transfusion or the use of forceps or a vacuum.
Acknowledging our individual responses to a complicated birth
Our individual responses to these kinds of interventions can be extremely complex and very personal. Some people find their experiences with interventions more difficult to process. Often parents express that it was not the intervention itself that was traumatic, but feeling like they didn’t have a say in the decisions that were made, feeling uninformed, or feeling they didn’t consent to procedures that occurred.
“I feel like we were very naïve going into things, and that just made us feel like we had to trust in the doctors and the system and go along with it. We just felt very overwhelmed and carried along by everything that was happening.”
We know that up to one in three women giving birth in Australia experience their birth as traumatic.
Every birthing parent will have their own unique response to the birth. Birth-related trauma can affect dads and non-birthing parents too.
It might even be something that a person watching from the outside might not consider to be distressing or traumatic. It’s important to know that trauma is an individual experience. It can affect every person differently, even within one family.
If your experience of the birth-related event was traumatic, your feelings are valid.
You might have felt frightened, unsafe, powerless or unheard. These kinds of feelings may play a role in the development of perinatal mental health conditions like post-traumatic stress, anxiety and/or depression for the birthing and/or non-birthing parent.
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A traumatic birth can be made more difficult when we've had previous experience of:
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Birth experience can also be influenced by:
Your feelings are valid
Sometimes well-meaning healthcare providers and your support people can encourage you to put the birth behind you and focus on your healthy baby. They might say, “a healthy child is all that matters.”
This kind of advice is often not helpful. Your feelings do matter. If you experienced a difficult birth, either as the birthing or non-birthing parent, it is important that this is acknowledged and that you're given opportunities to talk through your experiences and process what has happened. Talking about your experience and feelings around your birth in a safe and non-judgmental space can be therapeutic. Sitting on difficult or troubling feelings without addressing them can make them grow stronger and affect your emotional and mental wellbeing, and your relationship with your baby.
Note: some complicated births may result in physical injury for mum. These injuries may or may not be identified immediately. If in doubt about this, don't to be afraid to ask questions. For more information, the Australasian Birth Trauma Association website has some great information.
Memory loss or a delayed response
On PANDA’s National Helpline we regularly hear parents say they don’t remember much about the birthing process. Memory loss is a common response to trauma, and our brain’s way of ‘protecting’ us from distressing events including deep grief and loss.
Parents may feel ‘emotionally numb’ after the birth. Sometimes this can affect how we bond with our new baby.
Sometimes difficult emotions about the birth don’t arrive until we’ve had time to settle into our new reality and we’ve had time to reflect. This might be weeks or months after the birth and can occur on the anniversary of your baby’s birth.
Sometimes the feelings then come in a rush, and it can feel overwhelming.
Understanding what happened during the birth can help
Receiving clear information from a healthcare provider about the details surrounding your birth experience can help. If you have a trusted obstetrician, midwife, doctor or doula that you feel safe sharing your feelings with, you might find it helpful to talk to them about your birth experience.
Some parents find it helpful to talk about their birth with someone from the hospital, while others find it more helpful to speak to someone in the community, like a counsellor or peer support practitioner. Peer support practitioners are available via the PANDA Helpline and the Australasian Birth Trauma Association. They have their own lived experience and are trained to support and offer guidance to other parents.
Sometimes it helps to write down a list of questions beforehand. This can help you remember everything you want to talk about and stay on track during your discussions. If it makes you feel more comfortable, you might like to take a support person or partner with you.
Finding the right support
If you are experiencing difficult emotions following a complicated birth, you are not alone, and there is help available.
PANDA’s National Helpline is available to talk through your feelings around the birth. The Helpline provides a safe and confidential space. PANDA’s highly trained and caring counsellors and peer support practitioners can help you work through these challenges by talking openly and honestly about your thoughts and feelings about the birth. If you aren’t ready to talk about your birth, PANDA can support you in other ways. The Helpline will be there to listen when you feel ready.
You can find resources on the PANDA website such as the mental health checklist and Dot the Bot - PANDA’s chatbot, who can direct you to helpful information and tools for self-care.
You can also find support via the Birth Trauma – Australasian Birth Trauma Association
Having another baby after a complicated birth experience
If you’ve had a difficult or traumatic experience with a previous birth, it is understandable that you may have concerns about another pregnancy and birth. Talk to your doctor, midwife or obstetrician about how you’d like the delivery to go next time. And if you feel you are not ready or interested in another birth or baby after a traumatic or difficult birth, these feelings and/or decisions are valid too.
Resources
Birth-related trauma support
Support after loss
Looking after yourself
Stories
Articles
More information
Mental health checklist
How are you going?
Everyone’s experience of pregnancy, birth and parenting is unique and brings different rewards and challenges. Our mental health checklist can help you to see if what you’re experiencing or observing in a loved one could be reason to seek help.
PANDA CHATBOT
Chat to Dot
Meet Dot. They’re here to support you to explore your mental health and wellbeing during pregnancy and as a new parent
PANDA National Helpline
Find someone to talk to, Monday to Saturday.
1300 726 306
Call 000 for police and ambulance if you or someone else are in immediate danger
Talk with friends or family
Consider talking about how you are feeling with someone you trust. This might be a friend or family member. Once you starting talking you might be surprised at how many others have had similar experiences and the support they can provide you.
Talk with your doctor
Talking with your doctor can be an important step to getting the help you need. They should be able to give you non-judgemental support, assessment, diagnosis, and ongoing care and treatment. They can also refer you to specialists such as a counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist.
Get help now
If you are having suicidal thoughts or are feeling disorientated it’s important to get help immediately. PANDA is not a crisis service, if you need immediate support call Lifeline 13 11 14 (24/7).