I’m a mum of two girls. Lexi is 5 years old and Pippa is 2 years old. My husband Sam and I live in rural NSW on a small farm of 40 acres and I’m a nurse. I first noticed I was having difficulties when Lexi was about 4 months old, but I wasn’t diagnosed until she was about 7 months old.
I enjoyed my pregnancies, but I immediately felt pressure to breastfeed. I really struggled with breastfeeding with Lexi, resulting in cracked, bleeding nipples, with no support from any healthcare providers. This was the start of my mental health journey.
I became very obsessive and over-protective over Lexi. I had knee surgery when Lexi was 4 months old which resulted in a lot of pain, not being able to move around with her or play with her and not being able to drive for close to 3 months. I didn’t want to leave the house, because I didn’t want to drive in case something terrible happened. I would hardly go outside because I was scared something bad would happen. I felt like I was the only person who could protect Lexi, putting a strain on my marriage. I was absolutely exhausted. I wouldn't sleep well because every time I closed my eyes, I had nightmares about all the bad things that would happen to Lexi or myself.
Lexi was about 7 months old when I went into see my Child and Family Health Nurse because Lexi wasn't drinking her bottles. I remember sitting there and just bursting into tears. I didn't know what was wrong with me. Lexi was a healthy and happy baby.
I went to my doctor after seeing the Child and Family Health Nurse and started anti-depressant medication. It helped with the nightmares and the worries about bad things happening. I was still obsessive over her sleeping and feeding which eventually faded as she got older. I coped with my feelings by journalling, writing everything out.
When I was around 8 months pregnant with Pippa, I had severe anxiety. I felt like I couldn't give birth safely and that something bad was going to happen to the baby. My doctor put me on a different anti-depressant and referred me to a psychologist, which was difficult because I lived in a rural area. I had to travel over an hour to see my psychologist every month. It was a lot to take on with a newborn and a toddler.
With work and time, I was able to come off my medication and find coping mechanisms to help with my anxiety. I did a lot of self-reflection, gratitude, trying new things, getting out of my comfort zone. I was able to let go of the reins on the girls and let my husband help me more.
Now, I talk about my feelings with my support network. I surround myself with people who encourage and support me, making me feel good about myself. I write down things that are on my mind.
You are not alone. I felt like the loneliest person on earth when I was in the trenches on mental health challenges. I had an amazing support network but they never really knew what to do or say to me to make me feel any better and as much as they tried to understand what I was going through, they really had no idea.
“Always make time for yourself, you can't pour from an empty cup. I felt like when my cup was full, I was happier, and I was a better mum.”
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Reframing your thoughts as a new or expecting parent
Mental health checklist
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Everyone’s experience of pregnancy, birth and parenting is unique and brings different rewards and challenges. Our mental health checklist can help you to see if what you’re experiencing or observing in a loved one could be reason to seek help.
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