Rebecca’s story: parenting as a young neurodivergent mum

I have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and both my kids have disabilities and are neurodivergent themselves with Autism and ADHD. My husband and myself are both disability support workers.

Becoming a parent at a young age 

We were the first ones in our friendship groups to even think about kids. Everyone our age around us was still partying all weekend. We felt quite isolated that no one found us relatable anymore. We lost more friends than we could count because we weren’t at the same stage of our lives as everyone else our age.

Being young, we didn’t really have much money, and my partner was laid off at his job very early on in my pregnancy. We found it very stressful and felt very alone.

Parenthood as a neurodivergent mum

Back when we first had kids, I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD like I am now in my 30’s.

I struggled to learn in any setting whether it be schooling or just reading a book at home. Trying to learn everything about what was happening to my body while I was growing a baby was nearly impossible.

Having very little impulse control and always looking for dopamine hits, I found it quite challenging eating a good diet to help a growing baby. People with ADHD have less dopamine in their bodies, so they tend to eat sugary foods and get addicted to other unhealthy habits. I was also not aware of the right foods to be eating as I lacked the knowledge. I was very overwhelmed with trying to educate myself.

My ADHD made me very easily overwhelmed most of the time. Following instructions or learning certain things to be a good parent early on were such a struggle for me. There was so much information being thrown at me that I found impossible to take it in.

I get quite overwhelmed with anxiety at shops or busy places. On my bad days I’ll have a podcast playing, something to fidget with in my hands, and a water bottle. I find taking a sip of water helps me focus on my breathing. I also find chewing gum helpful.

Mental health challenges

I suffered prenatal depression which was the first time I’d ever had any sign of mental health issues. I had no idea about postnatal depression or even the baby blues. Things were spiralling for me in that first year. My mental health was declining, and I had developed anxiety. I had no idea until my husband showed me the PANDA website and made me do the checklist which made it very clear I needed to see my doctor as soon as possible.

We were lucky enough to have very supportive parents, but they could only do so much.

When I felt happier my family was too, so I realised I had to make my mental health a priority for everyone.

To look after my mental health these days I see a counsellor fortnightly, I see a psychiatrist for my ADHD, and I get a cleaner into my house every fortnight. I find I get extremely overwhelmed with my housework and when it gets out of control my mental health declines.

I’m not afraid to take a day off from work when I feel things are getting too much. If I need to stay in bed for a day and catch up on sleep or lounge on the couch and watch trashy TV, I will. The housework can wait until another day while I look after myself and listen to what my body and mental health needs.

If I can feel myself becoming irritable, I will try and remove what I can to lessen my stress. If my husband is home, I will tell him I need a break and I will go for a quick drive or just go into my room to reset.

A message for other parents

Take your strategies with you for when you are experiencing sensory overload. Use noise cancelling headphones, have an escape plan, a water bottle and whatever you personally use to help you. Have open communication with your partner if you have one so they can also step in and give you a break when you need and keep you in mind.

If something doesn’t seem right, it’s probably not. Don’t feel less of a parent because of your age. You can be an amazing parent no matter what age you are if you look after yourself and your bub.