My name is Melissa, and we are a culturally diverse family of 3. I am originally from Lima, Peru. My husband is from country Victoria and my beautiful daughter was born in Melbourne. We also have a 4-legged son, a red toy Cavoodle who is best friends with our baby.
I started having moderate anxiety during IVF. Our case was different because we decided to go straight into IVF due to a genetics condition. After a couple of failed cycles, I experienced moderate depression and PTSD from embryo transfers. I would close my eyes and vividly experience the process with fear and grief.
I struggled to accept going through IVF. It felt unnatural and clinical, and I grieved the decision not to fall pregnant naturally and experienced a long acceptance period. My pregnancy was accompanied by emotions of fear, and I was worried something would go wrong. Every scan, I would show up feeling nervous and scared.
These difficult emotions stayed with me during the whole pregnancy, and it was hard for me to feel completely relaxed. Birth was traumatic and made navigating post-partum more challenging.
IVF was a complex experience to navigate as a couple. I assumed if we had gone through this, we can face anything in this world. I believed that my joy to finally become a mother could help me overcome any difficulty. I felt like a failure when I started to notice that I was struggling to cope.
We reached out for help when we experienced a crisis. We both struggled to live life normally, we knew something was not right and we decided to seek professional help.
I found listening to podcasts related to mental health helpful. Deep within me, I felt I was truly not able to cope and needed to hear experiences that validated how I was feeling. I remember in one episode; a specialist doctor was a guest speaker. She was Melbourne based and I decided to reach out to her. I haven’t looked back since.
Finding the right support
Getting support changed my life. I forgot how it was to feel joy and love, I was constantly feeling under stress, on edge, panicky and physically depleted. Being able to understand what I was experiencing and take control over my recovery brought acceptance and hope.
Saying that, my experience with psychologists was mixed. It is very dependent on how much common ground and connection you have with a therapist. After 3 different therapists, I found the one that I to this day still work with. She is also an immigrant and faced challenges not having family around and this connected us in a stronger way.
My perinatal mental health experience changed our relationship and family dynamic. We are now committed to constantly checking in and looking after each other. We will be very open with our daughter about the importance of mental health. It has transformed the way we see life and how we show up to the world. We are more compassionate, and kind to people.
Self-care
I have therapy available when I need it. I have a self-care routine that I religiously practice to ground and centre myself. I have taken my yoga practice outside the mat, integrating it into my daily life by cultivating gratefulness, self-love and spirituality. This has motivated me to start my own yoga teacher training and share this practice from a place of love, wisdom and self-acceptance.
Some of my self-care activities include:
- Breathwork
- Meditation
- Yoga
One hour a week where I take myself to a calm environment like the beach, park and just read a book or listen to a podcast.
You have the power to heal. Believe that you can, trust the process and honour this moment - you are a warrior. May this chapter of your life be one to remember with gratefulness, self-compassion, and pride. Welcome the teachings and transformation that happens from within.
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