I am a 36-year-old mum of an almost 4-year-old boy. I have a wonderful husband, and we live in the north of Melbourne.
I had expected to feel an overwhelming sense of joy and ecstasy the moment my son was born, largely influenced by what I had seen on social media. I imagined immediate happiness and a smooth transition into motherhood. Instead, I was met with feelings of fear, anxiety, and uncertainty, with no clear idea of what to do next. The experience was isolating and far more overwhelming than I had anticipated.
Following an emergency c-section, I was discharged just 48 hours later. At the time, I was eager to get home, not realising how unprepared I was. I felt completely unsupported, lacking the necessary education on how to care for both my newborn and myself. Adding to this, giving birth during the COVID-19 pandemic made the experience even more isolating.
Noticing it wasn’t just ‘baby blues’
I first noticed something was off a few days after my son’s birth.
“Initially, I thought it was just the ‘baby blues,’ but as time passed, I realised my symptoms weren’t improving.”
The experience also had a significant impact on my relationship with my husband. What should have been a joyful time for us as new parents became strained. We found ourselves arguing more frequently, often over small things, as the stress and lack of sleep took a toll on both of us.
I feel that my struggles affected his own experience of fatherhood, as he had to navigate both the challenges of being a new parent and my emotional difficulties. Instead of bonding and enjoying the early days with our son, we were often overwhelmed by stress and frustration, which deeply affected our ability to fully embrace and enjoy this new chapter in our lives.
How my support network helped me through the challenges
My best friend, a Maternal & Child Health Nurse, played a crucial role in encouraging me to seek help. During my lowest moments, I would call her, and she would gently guide me toward the right services - Enhanced Maternal Health, helplines, and various support networks. Often, she would even arrange for a mental health triage service to contact me directly. She also took the time to speak with my husband, offering him advice on how to support me.
“Her constant encouragement and unwavering support were the turning points that ultimately pushed me to get the help I needed.”
My husband’s unwavering support was truly awe-inspiring. Even though I might not have fully appreciated it at the time, he went above and beyond for both me and our son. I truly couldn’t have done this without him.
Life felt significantly less isolating once I found the right support. For the first time, I felt truly listened to. While it wasn’t perfect and, in hindsight, I could have benefited from additional support, such as a stay at a mother-baby unit, I remain grateful for what I received. My husband also started to feel less anxious about our situation, and I began to see a light at the end of the tunnel.
How PANDA supported me
I called the PANDA helpline, and it was so comforting to hear a warm, empathetic voice on the other end. I was feeling incredibly vulnerable, and just hearing someone acknowledge my feelings made a huge difference. The person I spoke to listened patiently without any judgment, which gave me the space to express everything I had been holding in. It was one of the first times I felt genuinely understood and validated, and that in itself helped ease some of the weight I was carrying.
“The calmness and reassurance they provided were exactly what I needed during those difficult moments.”
I also used the mental health checklist on the PANDA website. It was a relief to have a structured way to process my emotions and thoughts, rather than having everything swirling around in my head. The checklist helped me to rationalise what I was feeling and gave me the clarity to see that I wasn't alone in my struggles. I also found reading other people's stories on the website incredibly helpful. Knowing that others had been through similar experiences and had come out the other side made me feel less isolated and more connected. It gave me a sense of hope that things could improve.
The resources on the PANDA website were a lifeline for me. They helped me feel less isolated in my journey, which was so important, as I often felt like I was the only one struggling with these challenges. Reading stories from others who had experienced similar feelings helped me realise that there wasn't something "wrong" with me. I was just going through a difficult time that many others had also faced. The website offered a sense of community, even when I felt disconnected from my own support networks. It provided not only emotional relief but practical tips that I could implement in my daily life, which helped me manage my mental health better.
How I look after myself now
Now, I see a counsellor, I am on medication, and I try and implement self-care practices on a regular basis.
I prioritise self-care by indulging in massages whenever I can, which helps me relax and rejuvenate. I also love immersing myself in music and podcasts, which provide both entertainment and a sense of calm. Additionally, I try to practice mindfulness; especially when life can get overwhelming. It helps me to stay grounded and centered.
To all new parents facing mental health challenges, please remember, don’t put pressure on yourself. It’s perfectly okay if you don’t feel an immediate sense of elation when you see your baby. This journey is unique for everyone. Don’t hesitate to ask for help - whether it’s from family, friends, or professional support services. You are never alone in this. There are people who care and want to support you.
What happens when I call the PANDA Helpline?
When you call PANDA, we’ll provide a free, safe, caring and confidential space for you to talk through any concerns you may have as an expecting or new parent, or support person.
Find out more information about calling the Helpline and commonly asked questions in the article.
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PANDA National Helpline
Find someone to talk to, Monday to Saturday.
1300 726 306
Call 000 for police and ambulance if you or someone else are in immediate danger
Talk with friends or family
Consider talking about how you are feeling with someone you trust. This might be a friend or family member. Once you starting talking you might be surprised at how many others have had similar experiences and the support they can provide you.
Talk with your doctor
Talking with your doctor can be an important step to getting the help you need. They should be able to give you non-judgemental support, assessment, diagnosis, and ongoing care and treatment. They can also refer you to specialists such as a counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist.
Get help now
If you are having suicidal thoughts or are feeling disorientated it’s important to get help immediately. PANDA is not a crisis service, if you need immediate support call Lifeline 13 11 14 (24/7).
Mental health checklist
How are you going?
Everyone’s experience of pregnancy, birth and parenting is unique and brings different rewards and challenges. Our mental health checklist can help you to see if what you’re experiencing or observing in a loved one could be reason to seek help.
PANDA CHATBOT
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Meet Dot. They’re here to support you to explore your mental health and wellbeing during pregnancy and as a new parent.