I had a perfect pregnancy. I never got morning sickness, I felt optimistic and had great mental health. I had moments of ‘am I going to be a good mum?’, but that’s normal.
Once I had my baby, I had 3 days of no sleep. On the 3rd morning after the birth, I felt euphoric and unstoppable. I felt like a super-mum and began talking erratically, I was fixated on the ceiling fan, and I was talking about the room getting smaller.
It was clear to my mum, who is a nurse and midwife, that I needed help. If she had not have been there it could have been a very different outcome. I was not sleepy and complained of intense pains in my body. Three days after the birth she took me to hospital where they did tests to check for infection or something that would explain my pain. It became evident that I was physically fine, but my mind was out of control.
Admission to a mental health unit
I had a mental health tele-consult and was admitted to an acute mental health unit. Unfortunately, there were no Mother Baby Unit’s available and so my baby was not allowed to come with me.
I wasn't prepared for hospital. It was thrown on us and there was no choice. My family chucked everything they could in the cars as we headed from Young to Wagga, not knowing how long I'd be there.
My husband was overwhelmed by it all. I had next to no idea what was happening. I was oblivious to the change going on at home. It wasn't in my direct environment, so it was irrelevant to me. I was over the moon happy thanks to psychosis.
The hospital was so accommodating to me. I didn't really feel separated from my son because a large part of the time I was in the family room just outside the ward with him. At mealtimes I had to go in for observations but most of the time I was with family during the day.
Treatment was focused on sleep and medication. At night I was just trying to sleep. I'd wake up, express, take my medications and try to go back to sleep.
I stayed in the room closest to the nurse’s station. They noticed what I was obsessing about each day and linked into it to keep me safe. The staff ordered my meals when I was distracted by other things. They helped me through mindfulness techniques. They sorted through my notes and thoughts, sometimes several times a day.
“The staff at the mental health unit went above and beyond for my 3-week admission.”
Returning home and recovery
I didn't return 'home' after hospital. My husband, son and I lived with my parents for 6 months while I eased into things. I continued care with Mums and Kids Matter and community mental health care, seeing counsellors, psychiatric and paediatric nurses.
When my team advised that it was okay, I went back to work 8 months post-partum (mainly because I was bored). For a further 2 years I experienced other manic and depression episodes, and so home had to be close to family. It's only in the last year we've rebuilt home somewhere else. My son is now 5.
“I think my advice to people preparing to have child is that it takes a village so have people who can help come the worst. Even if things go well, you'll still need support so be prepared.”
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