Amy’s story: How PANDA supported me in the perinatal period

Prior to conceiving my son, I experienced three miscarriages, which greatly impacted my mental health and led to high anxiety through my pregnancy with my son.

Before the miscarriages, I was so looking forward to pregnancy and sharing the news and excitement with friends and family.

After my first miscarriage, I noticed changes to my mental health. Every time there was even a faint positive on a pregnancy test, I would be filled with anxiety.

It's hard to share and feel supported when you have the history of pregnancy loss. People don't know how to support your anxiety.

We miscarried twice more before conceiving my son with help from a fertility clinic. That pregnancy stuck, but the anxiety stayed the whole way through the pregnancy.

It was a very difficult time for both me and my husband. For a long time, we didn't know what was wrong and it was hard not to blame ourselves. A lot of other areas of our life were put on hold, and it was hard to focus on anything else.

Recognising the signs and finding the right support 

I had anxiety when I was a lot younger which I had learnt to manage well. From that experience, I was able to recognise some of the signs. This helped me to talk about it more with my husband and get help from a counsellor.

I experienced a lot of guilt when life with a baby inevitably had its struggles, particularly because I wanted a living baby for so long. I felt I needed to be loving it and grateful for it all the time. And whilst I love my son deeply, this is of course hard when you're sleep deprived and have a constantly cranky/crying baby that you don’t know how to sooth.

I sought support in a few different ways – a fertility counsellor through the fertility clinic, pregnancy/birth doula, the PANDA helpline, and saw a psychologist for a few sessions in the postnatal period.

Contacting PANDA for help

It wasn't until the later stages of the postnatal period that I also reached out to the PANDA helpline.

The biggest challenge for me was not knowing where I fit, particularly in my earlier pregnancies that ended in miscarriage. At that time, I wasn't sure I could call PANDA as I wasn't sure that counted in the perinatal mental health bucket. I didn't know much about PANDA in those early stages, but now I know from my call with them, that they would have probably been a great support at that time too (just as they were in the postnatal period with my son).

I was nervous about calling the Helpline. I wondered if what I was struggling with was really that bad and I would hate to take resources away from other women who really need it. When I expressed this to the counsellor, she told me that she was so glad that I did call and that I wasn't being a nuisance at all. That was a huge relief.

Reflecting now, that is/was so important as I do believe it’s so beneficial for your baby when you’re emotionally regulated and in an okay mental state yourself.

Ongoing support for mental health

I think I will always have some level of anxiety in my life but now I know my triggers and how I can support myself or find support when things start to get too much. It's even more important now that my son is around, as he needs a mum that is mentally healthy.

To support my mental health, I communicate with my husband. Talking things through with him helps me to realise if I'm thinking irrationally or getting into an unhelpful spiral.

I have stopped seeing my psychologist now as I am managing well, but I know that option is always there if I need to go back. I now have a few tools in my toolkit I can call on i.e. breathing exercises, mindfulness, journaling etc.

I'd love for society to be more aware of the struggle’s women go through in pregnancy and in new motherhood. There is such a stigma, which makes it so difficult for women to talk openly about any mental struggles they may have. Even when you think you’re struggling only a little bit, there is no shame to seek out help.

I hope sharing my story will help other parents know that support is available.