Bonding with your baby has benefits for both parents and baby. However, it can feel difficult to bond with someone who you haven’t met yet. It may feel like they are a stranger who you are yet to know.
It’s okay if you don’t immediately feel a bond with your unborn baby. It can take time to develop a bond even once your baby is born.
During pregnancy, you, your partner, and family, can try simple activities that can help to build the foundation of a strong bond with your baby. This can support your bond after birth and can also help the pregnancy feel more enjoyable.
Simple activities to connect with your baby during pregnancy
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Talk to your baby
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Read a book to your baby
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Use music to connect
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Hold and massage
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Time for reflection
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Other bonding ideas
Helping older children bond with your unborn baby
Here are some ideas to help your older children get used to the idea of having a new baby in the family:
- Talk to them about the baby
- Read them a book about pregnancy and babies
- Let them touch your belly and feel the baby kicking
- Involve them when you shop for baby things or help set up the nursery
- Let them choose a gift for the new baby or draw a picture to give to them
Bonding during birth
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Music during birth
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Talking to your baby
It's OK if it takes time to bond with your baby
Sometimes connecting and bonding with your baby can take time. You will both need time to build your relationship and get to know each other.
Callers to PANDA’s National Helpline often share with us that they didn’t feel an immediate connection and bond when their baby is born. This is very normal. Many parents mention feeling sad, concerned something might not be right. They may feel that they have missed out on a major milestone moment with their baby.
Love and trust take time to nurture and grow. Sometimes the only overwhelming rush we feel when meeting our babies for the first time is relief that we made it through the birthing experience. And that’s okay. There’s plenty of time to connect and bond with your baby over the weeks, months and years to come.
Self-care, mental health and wellbeing
During pregnancy, birth, and the first year of being a parent, taking care of yourself is important. Self-care is not just good for you, it’s also good for your baby. Looking after your physical, mental, emotional, and social health needs may help you to feel more supported and less stressed as you become a parent. This can also support bonding. When you feel supported, you’ll feel more equipped to support and care for others, including your baby. Looking after yourself is one of the most loving, protective things you can do for your baby, and yourself as a parent.
Your mental health and wellbeing can impact the way you experience bonding with your baby. If you have a difficult pregnancy, it can also impact bonding.
If you are concerned about your mental health and wellbeing or how you are feeling about bonding with your baby, PANDA’s counsellors and peer support practitioners are available to talk through your experiences.
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Mental health checklist
How are you going?
Everyone’s experience of pregnancy, birth and parenting is unique and brings different rewards and challenges. Our mental health checklist can help you to see if what you’re experiencing or observing in a loved one could be reason to seek help.