It wasn't until after my second child was born that I really started to connect the dots. I started having these intense panic attacks. They were pretty hard to ignore. But looking back, there were signs long before that.
Managing challenges of new parenthood
As a newborn, my daughter, Harper, really struggled. Harper had a bottle-feeding aversion for months. Not being able to feed your baby – it was impossible. She was so close to being classified as Failure to Thrive (FTT) and was being monitored very closely by health professionals.
My partner is also a FIFO worker, so I was basically on my own for a lot of that time. I didn’t have a support network and was really struggling navigating her health concerns by myself.
Medical professionals were answering my questions with roadblocks. I remember one specialist told me to simply ‘stop forcing the bottle on her [my daughter]’. It was infuriating, belittling and felt like it was implying fault on me as a mother.
The bottle-feeding aversion was properly resolved when Harper was around 15 weeks old thanks to the help of a book I was recommended. Now that she was more settled, we started taking her out, in the pram, going on little walks and to the park.
And that’s when she started to get sick.
Experiencing health anxiety
Harper’s sicknesses were never anything major, thank goodness, mainly bugs and viruses. She just picked things up so easily, especially when she started at daycare. That triggered my panic. My anxiety from her previous bottle-feeding aversion had manifested itself into a form of health anxiety. A simple snotty nose seemed like the end-of-the-world.
“One of the biggest signs of that early postnatal anxiety was being hyper alert. I checked her temperature constantly, checked she was breathing constantly. And I don’t just mean a dozen times a day – I’m talking every few minutes, twenty-four seven.”
Everything was about checking, over and over, all the time. I needed that confirmation that she was okay.
And then, after my son Finn was born, the panic attacks started.
That’s when I realised, ‘Okay, this is something more than just the overwhelming feeling of being a mum.’
For me, the attacks centred around leaving the house and driving. As the partner of a FIFO worker, it’s always me and both kids. There’s no such thing as quickly ducking down the road for milk or bread. They are coming with me rain, hail, or shine.
In the early days, leaving the house was an ordeal. My kids hated the car. They would scream and kick and I’d worry sometimes they’d hurt themselves or pass out.
Soon, I felt the warning signs of a panic attack even when I was getting ready to leave. I’d dress my daughter for swimming lessons and feel agitated and overwhelmed just knowing that Finn was about to scream the whole 15-minute drive.
When I found support and community
Thankfully, after finally getting professional help, my panic attacks stopped. I still deal with the overwhelm, but now I have the tools and knowledge to recognise those warning signs and deal with them before they get out of control.
I started seeing a therapist about a year ago and learned some fantastic breathing techniques. I do them every day. They’ve become a core part of my routine.
I do these breathing exercises while I’m putting the kids in the car, or any time I feel a hint of anxiety or irritation. Luckily, my son and daughter are so much better in the car now, too – that’s helped a lot.
My Therapist and I also utilised Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy to combat the conditioning, as by this stage, I was even having panic attacks when I was driving solo. My body was recognising driving as a threat. Both tools have helped me immensely.
Aside from seeking professional help (which I can’t stress enough for those dealing with postnatal anxiety), I’ve found a local Facebook group for mums to be incredibly supportive. It provides a sense of community. Reading other people’s experiences, knowing that I’m not the only one dealing with this stuff, gives me comfort.
Now, having largely overcome my postnatal anxiety, I’m still an active group member. I’m the first one to comment advice for new mums and I like to link helpful resources whenever I can, especially to PANDA.
Supporting my well-being
I neglected my self-care for so long. When you’re in the thick of postnatal anxiety, you don’t have the energy or mental capacity to do anything for yourself.
Now, I do a few different things for my self-care.
Firstly, I set realistic expectations: The house isn’t always going to be clean and tidy, and the kids are going to be late for daycare sometimes. Basically, I don’t need to be ‘perfect’. That takes a big mental load off.
I now see a personal trainer once a week and do reformer Pilates to move my body and release endorphins.
Maintaining a healthy lifestyle is also key. I’m not saying we need to be fitness fanatics, but ensuring you eat well and get some fresh air makes the world of difference.
Finally, I utilise professional help. I see my therapist regularly and go to my GP as a first point of contact for any medical issues that crop up.
“Having someone to talk to like a psychologist is a game changer – as well as comfort, I gained practical strategies for how to combat my anxiety attacks.”
To other parents
So many of us suffer in silence. I know because this was me. I just thought I was overwhelmed, that this was all part of being a mum, but there were so many signs that indicated otherwise.
It can be daunting or embarrassing to ask your GP for a mental healthcare plan. Believe me, I know. But if everyone’s a bit more aware, and that taboo decreases, these kind of common mental health issues will be easier to navigate for everyone.
“Even though the postnatal anxiety is still there in the background, and it’s something I still work on every day, it gets easier with time. That’s what I want other mums to know.”
Helpful Information
Health-related anxiety in the perinatal period
Articles
Stories
PANDA CHATBOT
Chat to Dot
Meet Dot. They’re here to support you to explore your mental health and wellbeing during pregnancy and as a new parent.
Mental health checklist
How are you going?
Everyone’s experience of pregnancy, birth and parenting is unique and brings different rewards and challenges. Our mental health checklist can help you to see if what you’re experiencing or observing in a loved one could be reason to seek help.
Helpful Information