My name is Shan, and I am a 25-year-old Mununjali and Kamilaroi woman. I was born and raised in Brisbane and have been with my fiancé for 9 years.
After being told at the age of 20 that I needed to try and have kids at an early age because I would struggle to fall pregnant, my fiancé and I started our journey of trying to conceive. After nearly a year we found out we were pregnant in April 2020.
A difficult pregnancy
When we found out we were pregnant we were overjoyed but also quite anxious as I'd previously had a miscarriage.
My mum had good pregnancies with my sister and I, so I was shocked that I ended up with hyperemesis (severe nausea and vomiting during pregnancy). I was vomiting all day every day, even during my labour. I tried my best to remain optimistic and look forward to meeting our little girl.
My anxiety kicked off as we approached the due date, and I realised that I had to prepare to birth our daughter.
By this point I was fed up with vomiting constantly.
“The days felt so long, the weeks felt like months, and some days I felt very depressed.”
I've always been very independent, so it was a hard realisation to come to that I needed help at the end of my pregnancy and postnatally.
A traumatic birth and postnatal depression
I was cared for through the Birthing in Our Community program, which is an Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander program with the Institute for Urban Indigenous Health (IUIH) that provides midwifery care during pregnancy and post pregnancy up to 6 weeks. I had a family support practitioner for the cultural connection, emotional support and a friendly face to be consistent in my journey. I had a dedicated midwife and a student midwife that was amazing. The program was a great support to me, my fiancé, and our little one.
“Having a consistent team where I didn't need to reiterate my history or plan and having constant support was reassuring.”
My labour was traumatic to say the least. This affected my fiancé, my mum, and myself. While my birth was traumatic, it was a lot better than it could potentially have been because I had a support network and team that had been with me from day one. They could advocate for me and make decisions with my fiance when I was unable to because they knew me.
As it was traumatic and didn’t go as I’d expected, I developed postnatal depression and anxiety. I was constantly second guessing myself. I wondered whether I was doing a good job and was a good enough mum.
Finding the right support
My fiancé was amazing during this time and helped me where he could, but he did shift work. Some days I would be at home, alone, all day and most of the night. The grandparents were amazing. They regularly checked in but because we lived 30-40 minutes away, they couldn't visit as often as they would have liked. My best friend was a saving grace as she could relate to a lot of the things I was going through. She'd had similar experiences in the first year of her daughter’s life.
I was linked in with the Australian Nurse-Family Partnership Program (ANFPP) who support Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander mums through pregnancy and early parenthood. They checked in with me weekly to begin with, and then slowly reduced to fortnightly, and provided education and social/emotional support. The girls from ANFPP helped me get through my postnatal depression and become the mum I am today.
“I am so grateful for their support. I felt heard and supported. The girls were inclusive with my fiancé and made him feel just as heard and as important in our baby's journey which was really important to me.”
Finding culturally safe care
My cultural needs were met for most of my pregnancy and postnatal journey. The Birthing in Our Community and ANFPP programs provided a culturally safe space and support.
Culturally safe to me means a supportive environment where active listening, empathy, and no questioning of my identity happens. It's understanding generational trauma and that not everyone's journey is the same. It’s providing care based on the individual, not just following the system that isn't always inclusive, understanding or accommodating to the Indigenous ways of being and culture.
At the hospital, most of staff were warm, welcoming and understanding, but I did experience two staff members who didn’t support my cultural needs. I made sure to give that feedback and ask for another staff member if I wasn't happy with how I was being cared for or how I was being spoken to.
Ongoing support and self-care
For self-care, I do my skin care routine every day. I regularly clean my house because it generally makes me happier if my space is clean. I also prioritise no screen time at nighttime to be fully attentive to my fiancé and our little girl so I am able to spend time with them and enjoy their company. When I feel that I am not in a good place or going towards a spiral, I reach out to the counselling services that are available to me for support, as well as family and friends.
My family and I celebrate Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander culture by attending events, reading our daughters culturally safe and educational children's books, face painting, and dancing. We love to have a general yarning with family, aunties and uncles from other families, and prioritising our daughter making connections and friendships.
A message for other parents
Things may not always go to plan and that's okay. Be open and willing to learn. Parenting is different for everyone but don't say no to support and love from those around you.
“You're not alone, you are important, you are loved, and you are still you outside of being parents. ”
Continue to love each other and prioritise your relationship because modelling a safe loving relationship to our Jarjums sets expectations for them and what they deserve in their future relationships.
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