My name's Sarah, I'm 37, I'm wife to Daniel, who I have been married to for 11 years. We have two beautiful children, Archie (aged 6) and Amelia (aged 2).
I have had a life-long battle with anxiety, but I began having extreme difficulty with my mental health during my second pregnancy.
“As the pregnancy progressed, my anxiety got worse.”
I expected that I would enjoy my second pregnancy, sharing the excitement with my three year old son. But I experienced Hyperemesis Gravidarum (which is really just a fancy term for severe morning sickness) and at around week 12 when my morning sickness was improving I started to experience bad anxiety. I was especially worried about how I would cope with two children.
I started to fear that my existing mental health struggles would prevent me from being the mother my children needed, and ultimately that I wasn't going to be enough for them. I had also suffered from postnatal depression with my first child and I was worried that this would return after the birth of my second baby. I was scared of what it would mean for my little family if I wasn't coping.
The anxiety affected my life so much when I was pregnant. I would drive somewhere and not be able to get out of my car. There was one Saturday afternoon my husband took me and my son out to the park, just to get out of the house. I couldn't get out of the car. I remember I sat in the car crying watching them play. I kept wondering if they and the new baby would be better off without me. I would avoid social gatherings as I found it hard to act like everything was okay and I was really happy about the pregnancy when in fact I was petrified. My husband was becoming increasingly worried and had to take on the majority of care for my son as I was struggling to manage my mental health as well as my then full-time job and being a parent.
It took a complete mental breakdown one night at home where my husband found me crying on the shower floor for me to acknowledge that I wasn't coping with the anxiety I was feeling and needed help.
“ I also confided in my midwife about how I was feeling during one of my regular checkups at around 32 weeks. ”
I was in despair that day with my thoughts and she immediately put me in contact with the Mother Baby Unit of the hospital I was due to give birth at where I started to see a psychiatrist.
Through making that connection and seeing a psychiatrist through the Mother Baby Unit, I was able to be connected with a local organisation called Mums Matter Psychology. Through Mums Matter, I started seeing a psychologist that specialised in antenatal and postnatal depression. I attended a session with the psychologist every week and alsosigned up to do a course through them that focused on maintaining good mental health during the postnatal period.
Attending this course helped ease my anxiety around having postnatal depression for the second time around. Also, seeing fellow pregnant women in the course that were also experiencing anxiety and depression made me feel less alone.
Thankfully, my workplace was understanding of the situation and allowed me to start my maternity leave earlier than originally planned. This meant I was able to have a two-month period before the baby came to focus on my recovery. This also helped in terms of attending psychologist appointments and getting plenty of rest at home.
As part of my recovery, I started anti-depressant medication. I was originally hesitant about this. I was scared taking anti-depressants would harm the baby. However, with support and reassurance of my doctor and psychiatrist, I started the course of the medication. While I know anti-depressants are not for everyone, they assisted my recovery greatly and I am not ashamed to say I continue to take them today to assist in keeping my anxiety at a manageable level.
Through the above treatments and the tremendous support of my husband, mother and in-laws I was able to be a relatively positive and hopeful headspace by the time my daughter, Amelia, was born.
“In fact, the postnatal period after Amelia's birth was one of the happiest times of my life. ”
I don't think it would have been had I not found and had access to the right resources and support.
I am now more realistic with the expectations I have of myself. I have let go of some of the perfectionist tendencies that increase my anxiety and probably contributed to the post-natal depression I had with my first child. I continued to see a psychologist for the first few months after Amelia's birth, but I'm currently coping okay and haven't felt the need for any sessions recently. It's good to know though that there is always help available.
I am more willing to reach out for help when I need it. I am also more open with my husband about when I need some time out to re-charge my batteries. That might be a walk, a trip to get a coffee or simply locking myself away in our bedroom to catch up on some Netflix or a good podcast.
“That time out allows me to gather my thoughts and means I am more positive and calmer as a parent and a partner.”
My biggest message for any parent who is struggling is that you are not alone and there is no shame in how you are feeling. The other key message I wantto share is that if you are someone who has struggled previously with their mental health, from the beginning think about how you are going to maintain good mental health during your pregnancy as well as after the baby's birth.
If you have a mental health plan in place at the start of your pregnancy, you can share this with your midwife or obstetrician to ensure you and your carers are aware of the support you need during this time.
PANDA National Helpline
Find someone to talk to, Monday to Saturday.
1300 726 306
Call 000 for police and ambulance if you or someone else are in immediate danger
Talk with friends or family
Consider talking about how you are feeling with someone you trust. This might be a friend or family member. Once you starting talking you might be surprised at how many others have had similar experiences and the support they can provide you.
Talk with your doctor
Talking with your doctor can be an important step to getting the help you need. They should be able to give you non-judgemental support, assessment, diagnosis, and ongoing care and treatment. They can also refer you to specialists such as a counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist.
Get help now
If you are having suicidal thoughts or are feeling disorientated it’s important to get help immediately. PANDA is not a crisis service, if you need immediate support call Lifeline 13 11 14 (24/7).
Mental health checklist
How are you going?
Everyone’s experience of pregnancy, birth and parenting is unique and brings different rewards and challenges. Our mental health checklist can help you to see if what you’re experiencing or observing in a loved one could be reason to seek help.