I am a nurse who met the love of her life just before he posted overseas to serve for the Australian Army. When he returned, we married and started our family. We had our first interstate posting 10 hours from my family when our first born was just 3 weeks old.
Having been a nanny prior to nursing I felt that parenting would come easy to me. I wasn't prepared for the struggles of adapting to become a new parent. I had no family support and didn't know anyone where we were living. I was scared to ask for help.
“After my first was born, I would check and re-check to make sure her curtains weren't near the heater and that her face wasn't covered.”
In the car I would pull over to make sure her chin wasn't touching her neck in the car seat. It was a very overwhelming experience to suddenly be in control of someone's whole life.
During our pregnancy with our third child, we received another posting order to relocate to QLD, the posting was pending news on my husband's upcoming medical discharge.
We were shuttled back and forth between services in the defence force and in the end we were informed: "If the movers turn up on the day, you are getting your posting." I was 36 weeks pregnant the day the movers turned up and we relocated to QLD with our 1 and 2-year-old daughters.
Our housing was delayed and so we had to stay with my parents in their 2-bedroom unit. It was the peak of summer and once we arrived my body went into shock (post move/stress/heat), and I was induced delivering our son 3 weeks early on Christmas Eve.
Our housing was pushed back again so we were moved into a hotel post his birth and then finally able to move into our house at the end of January.
My husband was medically discharged later that year and we had to find somewhere to live. We purchased a property in rural NSW (as this is all we could afford, and he was about to be out of work permanently).
We moved there with the 3 children and my husband's mental health spiraled dramatically. He had joined defence at age 17 and after almost 10 years serving had no idea what he could or would want to do.
We suffered a miscarriage a year later and then deeply discussed our capacity to manage any more children. We decided after our last angel baby there would be no more, and I grieved this decision for many years after.
I didn't seek help the traditional way (through my doctor), I was very fortunate to have a wonderful neighbour who took me under her wing when we first moved with our first-born.
“She got me out every day for a walk and fresh air, I am forever grateful and open about how significant her support was to me.”
We then decided to relocate so we could live near family. Although it means having to rent again due to cost of housing and not being able to work due to demands of family life. It also means we have a lot more support to give us respite.
Life is still challenging, our 3 children are very strong willed and neurodivergent. My husband's mental health fluctuates, and I have had to hang up my scrubs for a while to focus on our family. But we do lots of small things to get through the hard times and we now enjoy many wonderful times also.
Giving up work enables me to have many moments throughout my day while the children are at school to re-focus. Before and after school times can be chaos but I take time during the day to be kind to myself.
“I work on walking daily, mindfulness, releasing guilt when I am doing nothing, and I spend a lot of time outdoors in the sunshine and at the beach.”
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