I am very lucky to have a wonderful son who is almost 3 years old and a highly supportive caring husband. I noticed immediately after giving birth that I didn't feel 'right'. After a few days when the baby blues didn't go away I knew it was something a little more concerning. On top of having a baby, we also experienced some major changes in our extended family which meant the supports I hoped to have weren't in our lives anymore; the major life change of having a baby felt even bigger and not as positive as I had hoped.
My husband and I had been around babies and new parents throughout our lives so we thought we had a reasonable expectation of parenthood. We definitely weren't prepared for the needs of a new baby - the 24/7 nature of newborns, sleep deprivation and feeding challenges.
“As our son didn't enjoy sleeping or feeding, it was a perfect storm of emotions and tiredness.”
My husband and I found we were 'on edge' a lot, which meant we were arguing a lot and not seeing the joy in parenthood. I was also being proud and didn't want to admit how much I was struggling because parenting isn't easy so I just needed to 'get on with it'.
When my son was around 4 months, he was going through a developmental leap (not sleeping and cranky) and I just knew it was time for help.
I was blessed with an excellent GP who wanted to support but could tell I wasn't ready to hear her. She referred me to a psychologist quite early on, but it didn't feel helpful at the time, so I kept pushing through. After a couple more months I was able to accept the help, our GP referred us to the local mother baby unit and helped us access support at the parenting centre, as ell as insisting on weekly visits to check in with me.
“Throughout this time I also accessed the PANDA helpline on a particularly bad evening, which was excellent practical advice and support which I appreciated more than the person on the other end of the phone will ever know.”
The PANDA counsellor picked up quickly how sensitive and fragile I was, she was so kind, gentle and caring which made me feel really heard and understood - exactly what I needed. She gave me a specific task to do after making myself a hot tea and taking some deep breaths, completing this made me feel in control of my life and I was able to do the task with a baby in my arms.
Getting help in the Mother Baby Unit was a turning point for me.
I realised that the professional help I had to get my son's eating and sleeping on track was beyond what I could have done at home. From there I was able to take better care of myself and my family.
“There were still tough days but far more fun positive ones, enjoying my family.”
Now my son is a little older I have a little more freedom to do things that help me feel strong and positive. I do regular yoga in my work lunch breaks, water aerobics one evening a week with a friend as well as studying at Uni to help challenge my mind in a positive way. I continue to access counselling as I feel I need it as well as being very open and honest about my mental health with my support network of friends and family.
“If you are struggling, don’t be afraid to reach out for help. ”
This doesn't mean you have failed as a parent or that you will always struggle. Finding the right support networks will change your life.
Helpful Information
Perinatal anxiety and depression: Signs and symptoms
Mental health checklist
How are you going?
Everyone’s experience of pregnancy, birth and parenting is unique and brings different rewards and challenges. Our mental health checklist can help you to see if what you’re experiencing or observing in a loved one could be reason to seek help.
PANDA National Helpline
Find someone to talk to, Monday to Saturday.
1300 726 306
Call 000 for police and ambulance if you or someone else are in immediate danger
Talk with friends or family
Consider talking about how you are feeling with someone you trust. This might be a friend or family member. Once you starting talking you might be surprised at how many others have had similar experiences and the support they can provide you.
Talk with your doctor
Talking with your doctor can be an important step to getting the help you need. They should be able to give you non-judgemental support, assessment, diagnosis, and ongoing care and treatment. They can also refer you to specialists such as a counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist.
Get help now
If you are having suicidal thoughts or are feeling disorientated it’s important to get help immediately. PANDA is not a crisis service, if you need immediate support call Lifeline 13 11 14 (24/7).