Priya’s story: Managing bipolar and psychosis in the perinatal period

I had a bit of postnatal depression with my first child. It was when I had my second baby, and I had to go back to work, that I fell really sick and was in hospital and diagnosed with psychosis.

I was absolutely fine through my second pregnancy, and the birth was easy. I was hoping to spend a lot of time with my baby, to just be at home, be a mum and breastfeed. But things changed at work, and I had to go back when he was 8 weeks old.

I was very tired, and quite low. I remember not sleeping much at all, but I don’t remember much else.

If I was made more aware of that, I would have been more careful.

Seeking help

I called my obstetrician, and I was crying over the phone. I told him, “I’m not fine, I need help” and my obstetrician said I should see my doctor.

By then I was very sick. I knew there was something wrong with me. I would just sit and write in a diary. Thoughts were just ramming into my brain, and I was scared that I would forget them. I felt every thought was so important, and I had to put it down on paper. I would just sit in the corner and keep writing. I didn’t want to be around my children. I couldn’t bear any noise. My son wanted to be with me all the time, and I just wanted to be alone. After two or three days I started hallucinating.

I went to see my doctor, and she was shocked by my state. My husband was with me, and she said it’s best I go to the emergency department. When we were sitting in the emergency department, I told a nurse that I was struggling to be a good dentist and a good mum.

The psychiatrist suspected bipolar at that time – either bipolar or postnatal depression and psychosis.

After three nights in the psychiatric ward, I told my husband if I had to stay one more night, I would lose it. They were hoping to send me to a Mother Baby Unit from there, but there was no room. The only option was to send me home. So, my sister came back earlier from holidays to be with me.

For 1 month I stayed in my room for most of the time while I recovered. My sister and parents ran the house as my husband was unable to be at home due to work. Both my husband and I appreciated the help. My anxiety was triggered by the children crying and when I left the house. My family would cook and look after the kids. My sister would encourage me to go for walks. We would go just a few meters and then go back home. Slowly we would increase the distance we went. After a couple of months, things started to improve.

Recovery

My doctor started treating me. I started on medication and started getting much better. In October 2015 I started reducing the medication, and in February I started getting manic again. And that’s when she confirmed it was bipolar.

This time I realised immediately, because I was not able to sleep. I started writing again and having racing thoughts. They changed my medication and I stabilised quickly.

Since then, I’ve been on medication for bipolar.

It took 8 years from my first psychotic episode to feel normal again. I went on and off medication several times during that period and it took time to find the right medication.

For other parents who are struggling I would say, things may seem like it will never get better. Know that it is possible to live a full life no matter the diagnosis. I have done it. You can too. Be patient whilst you try different medications. Be honest and clear with your doctor. Don’t go off medication without your doctor’s guidance. Spend time introspecting and dare to know yourself, and your triggers. Heal, you deserve it.