Matt's story

I’m 36 and a father of three children aged 4, 2 and 8 months. My wife and I have been married for almost 5 years.

I have had mental health struggles since I was young. I am a child of divorce and held a lot of childhood trauma. My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 12 after we had just moved to a new and unfamiliar town where I knew nobody and had no supports or friends. I was diagnosed with ADHD and Autism 12 months ago and since then I have mourned the life I could have had if I had someone in my corner from a younger age.

I was really scared to become a dad. But meeting the love of my life, and seeing her dreams of being a mother, along with her support and confidence in me encouraged me to want to become a dad. All three of my children’s births were traumatic for my wife and I, and my anxieties and fears of failure overwhelmed me after the births of my first two children. I was diagnosed with postnatal depression. I didn’t know this is something that could happen to men.

My wife was an absolute rock throughout it all and luckily we were able to find some light in the darkness in each other. We have always operated on the rule that together we will always be 100%. Even on days where I feel 20% she will be the other 80% for me and our family. This is one of the leading reasons we have a house so full of love today.

I started seeing a clinical psychologist through my employer. I had been in and out of therapy since I was a child and never had found a therapist I clicked with more than I did with this one. We had shared experiences in life, and I was really able to take on board her advice as it was advice that came from lived experience. I'm such an advocate for not only therapy, but finding the right therapist for you. A therapist is an intimate relationship much like a partner and if your values don't match up then it is likely you will quit therapy and not seek another.

After my ADHD and autism diagnoses, I’ve been able to mourn, grieve, heal, educate and find the right supports. I’m confident in saying I’m now on the other side and beginning to thrive as a neurodivergent father, husband and human.

I still speak with my therapist when I feel the need to workshop emotions that I don't fully understand however mostly I communicate with my wife. I spend time with my children; even when they tickle my sensory issues it is still an absolute honour and privilege to be a father to my three incredible kids.

My advice to other parents would be:

Talk it out!

Fill your bucket with love and be around people who bring you up, not pull you down.

Don't be afraid to walk away from relationships or friendships that leave you feeling drained.

Utilise therapy (mental health care plans are incredible). Don't settle for the first therapist you find, do research and don't be afraid to reach out to therapists to find out a bit about them before requesting a referral through your GP.

Most important of all, be kind to yourself. Take comfort in knowing you aren't alone and if you feel like you have no support, contact PANDA or any of the other incredible and necessary resources available to you.

Your room may be dark but there are plenty of others in there with you.