I live in Melbourne with my husband and our two children, who are 3 and 1.
I had always wanted to have a baby and become a mum. I felt so confident about having a baby and felt great mentally through my pregnancy (despite sickness that lasted the entire time).
I was so naive to the mental health challenges you can face in the postnatal period. I pictured my first year of parenthood so differently. I thought I’d naturally slide into mum-life, do fun things with our baby as a family of 3, go on outings, and maybe even a little holiday. The emotions I experienced in those first few months rocked me to my core. I experienced so much sadness every single day. I was crying for no reason, even though I had every reason to be happy. I constantly felt the most crippling anxiety.
Experiencing postnatal depression
As soon as I got home from hospital, I knew I felt very different and not myself. With each day, the feelings of stress, anxiety and sadness increased significantly. I was so unprepared for the huge hormonal shift I felt, which stayed with me for many months.
“I kept thinking it was the ‘baby blues’ and I would google how long baby blues last.”
Many around me, including myself, tried to downplay how I was feeling as ‘normal’, but eventually I knew something was wrong. When it continued, I knew I probably had postnatal depression.
I started to avoid doing things with my baby, like being the one to give her a bath, because I was too sad and anxious to be alone with her. I had so much anxiety all the time about her not sleeping or getting sick - almost anything you could think of. That really surprised me as I had been so confident around babies all my life.
Finding the right support
My family were so worried about me, and I was grateful for their support. Initially, I leaned on my husband, mum, and sister a lot. However, when the symptoms I was experiencing became intense and constant, I knew I needed more help. My mind felt constantly muddled during that time so it was often hard to think clearly about what I might need.
“I just desperately wanted to feel like myself again and gain my confidence back.”
I was a shell of myself, and I was crushed. It really was a soul-destroying experience that had already stolen those first few precious months with my baby.
Eventually I decided to go and see my doctor. They put me in touch with a perinatal psychologist, as well as starting me on some medication. Whilst I found it really challenging, I didn't realise how much I needed someone there to hold space for me to feel comfortable expressing how I was truly feeling.
The relief I felt once I found the right support and started to become well again was life changing. I started to absolutely love being a mum to my little baby girl. It was like I fell in love with her all over again. Although those early months were the lowest point of my life, I can still look back on that time as somewhat special. I have learnt a lot about myself in the process.
Preparing for a second pregnancy
Leading up to my second pregnancy, I sought the help of a psychologist early in pregnancy to prepare me for the postnatal period, should I experience the same things again. She really helped me to understand what my triggers were and unpack a lot of what was going on in my mind.
“I felt much better equipped to handle everything that came my way.”
Luckily, I did not experience postnatal depression following his birth and it was a healing experience for me.
Practising self-care
To practise self-care, I prioritise healthy eating and exercise when I can. Even if it's just a walk or in-home Pilates class. I always know if I haven’t had enough water that day if my anxiety starts to creep in. Sometimes on a Thursday or Friday night, I might head out to the shops for a foot massage and an ice-cream on my own after the kids are in bed. I also see my friends for brunch at least once a month. Connecting with them always makes me feel better.
A message to other parents
Often as a new parent, people say things like "oh, just wait until they are crawling/talking/walking", implying it gets a lot harder than the current stage. I vividly remember thinking that I was already finding the newborn stage so incredibly hard, how will I survive when I get to those "harder" stages? But what I didn't understand at the time was that as my baby grew, my confidence would grow with her. When you inevitably get to these new stages, you and your baby will be even more familiar to each other than you are now. That alone makes things a little bit easier than it is now. Everything is just a phase and sometimes a particular phase will pass just as fast as it arrives.
“Most importantly, don't delay getting help, and you will feel like yourself again.”
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