Kath's story

I'm Kath, a Child Counsellor living in the beautiful tropics of the top end on Larrikia land. I have a wonderful partner and two children.

I first noticed I was struggling with my mental health in the first day or two after I had my daughter. I was very overwhelmed and couldn't sleep. I felt so anxious that I didn't know how to feed her and comfort her cries, and I started to get intrusive thoughts and voices coming into my mind which was incredibly scary.

I felt so guilty and ashamed I didn't know how to look after her, I began isolating myself and convincing myself I wasn't a fit enough mother and everyone around me knew it. I was very fearful in seeking support and looking back was so judgemental and hard on myself.

I also fell into the typical trap so many health care professionals do, viewing myself as the 'helper'. We can be the worst at accessing help when needed. This lack of validation and acceptance made my mental health struggles become more embedded.

I think I focused so much on the pregnancy and birth I didn't really give new parenthood too much thought. I knew there was so much I didn't know when my baby was here and so many people gave me conflicting information, it all felt too much.

I wasn't in tune with myself and my own instincts and at times felt a disconnect from my daughter. I knew it would be exhausting, but nothing can prepare you for the sleep deprivation that comes and how that can really impact on your mental health.

My struggles put extra strain and pressure on my relationship with my partner. He had to leave work on a couple of occasions as I didn't feel I could look after our baby and I convinced myself he would leave as I was too much hard work.

I felt a hypocrite; I would take beautiful pictures of my baby and truly feel connected and in utter love one minute, but then the next be breaking down feeling trapped, losing my patience and desperately wanting to be away from her.

My partner struggled as he desperately didn't know how to 'fix' things, he hated seeing me so upset. I told him it couldn't 'be fixed' but hugs really helped, he continued to hug me as I sobbed (a lot) and he validated my feelings as I shared some of my darkest thoughts.

I was able to take my daughter with me and felt so reassured and safe that I could be completely open about how I was feeling in front of her and my daughter, crying and being so real but also attending to my daughters needs at the same time.

Over time with the counselling and sleeping a little more, my moods and feelings started to feel less intense and out of control. I still had negative thoughts but I was able to challenge them more and more.

I was able to connect with other mums on a one to one or very small group basis and started to really see others had their own struggles and battles too, and we could really empathise with each other.

My partner and I grew so much, in maturity, respect, and depth and commitment of our relationship. I'm very grateful.

I see supporting my mental health as an absolute necessity now, creating healthy daily habits and being vigilant to my triggers. When I start becoming very restless or overwhelmed my partner reminds me to rest, (sleep if possible), but if I can't do this I write in my journal and get my thoughts out so they aren't repeatedly whizzing through my head.

I put on a candle and low lighting and put relaxation music on in the background. Swimming outdoors really helps calm my mind and feel good in my body whilst getting some sun, and a good mum comedy show helps too.

It is never selfish to put your needs first; it's actually essential for bub!

You are never alone, even if you deeply feel it, others care about you, PANDA are there to listen and support you!

The hardest step is reaching out. Sending love and light to all you amazing parents out there.