In hindsight, I probably have always lived with anxiety, but was very unaware of that. It was present during my pregnancy, but not to a problematic point. My son was born in October 2020 and within the first couple of days, my anxiety levels really started to increase.
Once my husband went back to work, I was really scared of being at home on my own. As it got worse, I became quite obsessive with how much milk he was taking in. I was always scared he was getting too much or not enough. It was to the point where he would sleep at night, but I couldn't. I'd maybe sleep for an hour and then be up the rest of the night.
One day I spoke to my mum, and she said, just forget about it and go to sleep. And I said, but I can't forget about it. I can't think about anything else. And she said, okay, well, maybe it's time that you go to your doctor. And that was the first time I thought, oh, is this not normal?
I started to develop intrusive thoughts that were really debilitating. Even with the help of my cousin and husband, it wasn't enough support. It got to the point where they didn't know how to support me anymore than they already were.
“I was so afraid that I was going to go past the point of going back to normal again.”
That's when we made the decision to go into the Parent and Infant Unit.
Having lived a life free from any notable mental health issues, this blindsided all of us, especially me.
Admission to a Parent-Infant Unit
When I first heard about the Parent and Infant Unit, it terrified me. But it came to the point where everyone knew that it was going to be the best option for me.
This was my rock bottom. I was terrified about going. There was a lot of fear and a lot of unknowns.
On the first day, we just got comfortable with the space and had a psychiatrist come and have a chat with us.
My baby was allowed to stay in the room with me. The nurses took care of the babies at night, so we could get a good sleep. Usually, the day would start with one of the nurses bringing my baby into the room and then we would have some breakfast and get ready.
I was allowed to have visitors, so my husband, family and friends would come in and visit.
“It made the space feel a lot less scary when there were so many people that I knew coming in to see us.”
I didn't have any idea how long I was going to stay. I ended up staying for a week in total. It felt pretty quick with activities and programs.
I went into that experience having an expectation of who was going to be there and the types of people that were going to be staying there. In reality, everyone that was in that unit was just like me. They were all mums. We were all from different backgrounds, but we were all just trying to get through that journey together. It made the experience a lot easier because I formed strong connections with the other women.
“When it came to me leaving, I felt so comfortable that I didn't want to go home. It was fantastic support.”
Returning home from the Parent-Infant Unit
Once I left the Parent and Infant Unit, I was given a number. I was told that if I ever needed to speak to anyone, I could call. I called that service probably every night for a week or two and spoke to one of the mental health nurses. They were so helpful.
I also went to a cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) group for mums for a few months. I started seeing a psychologist. I still see that psychologist today.
“I'm at a point where I never thought I'd get to again, where I feel happiness. ”
That's not to say that there's not still hard days. I still see my psychologist. I still practice self-care.
When I went into the Parent and Infant Unit, I never thought I would know joy or happiness again. I was ashamed. I was so worried that this was going to hang over me like a dark cloud for the rest of my life. That hasn't been the case at all.
I really hope the stigma with psychiatric facilities begins to be a thing of the past. It is such a beneficial service.
A message to other parents
It's okay to not be okay. This is something that no new mum would choose. For me, it took me a long time to realise that it wasn't my fault. I hadn't done anything wrong.
The support is there, just like if you had a broken arm or a broken leg. Your brain just needs a bit more intensive support.
“It’s a really comfortable and safe space where there's no judgment and no stigma.”
Practical tips for parents being admitted to a Parent-Infant Unit
- Bring some cosy clothes that you can feel comfortable in.
- Bring a long phone charger.
- Download some movies onto an iPad.
- Bring your favourite snacks and foods.
- Bring your own things, like your favourite shampoo or body wash, or makeup.
- Bring anything to help make you feel like yourself in any way and help create an environment that doesn't feel so clinical.
Articles
Information about Parent and Infant Units
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