Dave's story

My name is Dave and I’m the father of two children.

The transition to parenthood was very difficult. Prior to becoming a parent I was confident, had peace of mind and no caring responsibilities.

As soon as I became a parent, my emotional and environmental status quo was shaken up instantly.

Our baby screamed as soon as he was born. Sleep became really difficult, partner one on one time reduced and my time was not my own anymore. My wife and I experienced 12 months of interrupted sleep every night as well as seeing our son, suffering from reflux, scream in discomfort frequently during the day. None of these things had been talked about in antenatal classes.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but at the time all I knew was that there was something wrong about how I was feeling within the first couple of months after our first child. I felt ashamed.

Looking back, I really withdrew into myself and didn’t feel like socialising. I withdrew from colleagues at work and my friends. I was in a constant state of worry. I didn’t want to communicate how I was feeling to my partner, because I didn’t feel like I had a right to, given what she was going through. I felt hopeless and alone. I would often find myself storming out of the house after another failed attempt to sooth my son’s pain and show my partner I was competent. I felt anything but. I remember thinking, “What kind of man walks out on his child and partner?... Me". I felt so guilty, frustrated and defeated.

I remember one night, several months into parenting, I was woken up during the night and had reached breaking point. I screamed my lungs out at my son, loud enough for the neighbour's dogs to start barking. Having a relaxed personality, this was totally out of character; it scared me, as well as my wife and especially my son. That’s when I realised that my life had changed and I needed to change with it.

I did not reach out to PANDA, but wished I had.

There are still challenging days with parenting and sleep deprivation, especially having had another reflux baby, but I do not regret the journey to get me to this point. I came to realise that asking for help, was not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength.

The new parent journey did not start out as I expected, but I now feel as bonded to my son as I always wanted to be.

Dads, if you want to be a hero in the eyes of your partner and children, I encourage you to embrace your vulnerability and seek support. You will become a more capable and stronger father for doing so.