Helpful Information
Coping with strong emotions as a new parent
Perinatal anxiety and depression can affect anyone. Some experiences can make you more susceptible to mental health challenges. On the PANDA Helpline, callers often share experiences including fertility issues, pregnancy or infant loss, a difficult pregnancy, a traumatic birth, feeding or settling difficulties, prior mental health issues or trauma, difficult or absent family relationships, financial stress, isolation or family violence.
As an LGBTIQA+ expecting or new parent, you may face added risks, such as the challenge of accessing inclusive care from fertility, surrogacy, antenatal or birth services.
“The hardest part for my partner has always been the use of the term ‘dads’ when referring to non-birth parents. She found it so ingrained in the medical system and it made her feel less relevant and less important. [It] prevented her from reaching out.”
LGBTIQA+ people often need to advocate for their needs to care providers who have limited knowledge about the experiences of LGBTIQA+ parent families. Health care provides might not have a thorough awareness of safe, appropriate care options for trans, gender diverse and/or intersex clients. It’s exhausting, and it can stop people voicing their needs, or even accessing care.
“Having children means you are perpetually coming out: to childcare, to doctors, to school mums. It was uncomfortable always making decisions about whether to ‘come out’ or let it slide. Being a new mum is exhausting enough, add postnatal depression and sometimes claiming my identity felt too much.”
‘Minority stress’ is a term for the mental health impacts of exclusion, discrimination, mistreatment and stigma. It can arise from direct personal experiences, and from broader social stigma.
Minority stress contributes to mental distress and stops people getting help. LGBTIQA+ people may also hesitate to access mainstream services during a crisis, due to fear of discrimination.
Getting help
“My partner came out as trans when our baby was about five months old. It was such a relief, but it was a few big months. Exhaustion, isolation, and confusion started to take hold of me, and I had come to be aware of some unresolved trauma that was really kicking me around. I lay in bed feeling so, so sad – day, after day, after day.”
It’s important to be aware of the risks and potential symptoms of perinatal anxiety and depression, and to seek help if you’re worried about yourself or a loved one.
There are many pathways to getting help. Some good places to start include:
- Your antenatal/birth care providers, such as a midwife or your obstetrician
- Your child health nurse
- Your doctor.
A doctor who has experience in mental health can play an essential role in diagnosis and treatment planning, including referral to specialist services for counselling.
You can also contact a specialist perinatal mental health service like PANDA. It’s important to find and advocate for care that feels safe, inclusive and supportive to you.
Finding safe, inclusive care
As much as possible, look for care providers who can provide inclusive care:
- LGBTIQA+ health services and peer support services like QLife can help you find doctors and other health care providers who are LGBTIQA+ allies.
- Community-run LGBTIQA+ parent support and play groups can also be a great source of information and support.
- Joining a support group or speaking to trusted and caring health care providers can help reduce the sense of isolation so many new parents feel.
In the perinatal period, people often need to access more health services than before parenthood. Many health services are working towards better LGBTIQA+ inclusion.
The experiences of LGBTIQA+ PANDA Helpline callers, show that you may need to educate some of your care providers about your family’s support needs.
How PANDA can help
PANDA has LGBTIQA+ staff and volunteers throughout our organisation, and our Helpline counsellors and peer support volunteers are committed to providing inclusive care to all callers from the LGBTIQA+ community. You can call the Helpline about yourself or someone you know. Our counsellors will listen and help you take the first steps towards recovery.
This may include helping you locate LGBTIQA+ specialist/inclusive services or supporting you to advocate for your needs in mainstream services. You may also like to check out our Mental Health Checklists, which you can use to explore potential symptoms affecting you or a loved one.
You can email yourself a copy of your checklist results and use your answers as a starting point when talking to health professionals and advocating for your support needs.
Mental health checklist
How are you going?
Everyone’s experience of pregnancy, birth and parenting is unique and brings different rewards and challenges.
Complete our online mental health checklist to see if what you’re experiencing or observing in a loved one could be a reason to seek help.
Emotional and mental wellbeing for LGBTIQA+ parents
Find more information for LGBTIQA+ parents here.
Helpful Information