Welcoming a new baby to your family can be an exciting time for your friends and extended family too, but it can also mean navigating tricky relationships and tense interactions.
This can bring extra stress when you’re already managing the changes and challenges of pregnancy or early parenthood.
It’s normal to feel a range of emotions.
You might be excited to connect with your family and friends, or it might feel like an obligation you’d rather avoid.
You might be exhausted or managing your mental health and not feel up to hosting people you have strained relationships with.
You might feel disappointed about the level of involvement or support you receive from your family, or you might feel grief for family members who are no longer here.
It can be a lot to navigate when you’re expecting a baby or have a newborn. We hope these tips help you nurture your wellbeing while maintaining healthy relationships.
Helpful Information
Self-care for pregnancy and new parenthood
Tips to help you deal with difficult relationships
Asserting boundaries
Take time to think about what you’re comfortable with when it comes to your loved ones and communicate this to them. If you have a partner, be sure to agree on your expectations together so your friends and family know you’re on the same page.
You might consider discussing boundaries related to:
- The level of contact with family that feels manageable for you
- Expectations around calling to ask or waiting for an invitation to visit
- Preferences around hygiene, e.g. washing hands before holding baby and not kissing baby.
Dealing with unwanted advice
Pregnancy and new parenthood can bring unwanted advice and opinions. Even when well-intentioned suggestions come from people you love and respect, they may not align with your personal choices.
This can be challenging, and it may leave you feeling anxious, confused, or upset.
It might help to prepare some responses for tricky questions or comments, such as:
- Use humour to deflect or lighten the situation.
- Change the topic or cut the conversation short by saying, “Thanks for the tip.”
- Excuse yourself for some fresh air. You have the right to step away from any conversation or behaviour that makes you uncomfortable.
Limit social media
Social media has become such a big part of our daily lives that we sometimes forget to separate what we see online from reality. It can be easy to fall into the trap of comparison, especially when we see the highlight reels of picture-perfect families and friendships.
If scrolling social media leaves you feeling bad about your relationships, it might be time to take a break and focus on the people in your life that bring you joy.
Acknowledge your feelings
The arrival of a new baby can shine a spotlight on other relationships in our lives or those we are missing. This can bring feelings of sadness and loneliness to the surface. Grief for loved ones who are no longer with us can intensify, as well as feelings of grief for pregnancy loss and infertility or relationship breakdowns.
Being aware that these feelings can arise can help you plan for how best to deal with them. Be gentle with yourself. Talk to someone you trust or reach out to PANDA for a confidential chat.
Prioritise self-care
Having a baby can put your needs on the backburner. It’s important to find time to look after yourself, even if it’s just to make sure you shower and brush your teeth every day. A little self-care can help you cope in tough times.
Define what family means to you
The idea of family has changed over time. Modern families can include a range of people that you cherish and may not be the family you were born into.
“For many, family are the people we choose with 41% considering close friends or people they’ve chosen to be part of their family.”
Becoming a parent yourself and deciding the type of parent you want to be for your kids is an opportunity to redefine what family means for you. It means creating a physical environment and emotional space that feels safe for you and your children.
This can mean choosing who to share this special time with or how you balance time spent with people in your life.
Tips from PANDA’s Community Volunteers
“Don’t have guests unless you know for a fact they will self cater and help out. Consider getting takeaway to keep things super casual.”
“Put boundaries in place to protect you mental wellbeing.”
“Don't feel too pressured to spend time with family if it's overwhelming. Take some time out and have a nap even if people are around for events.”
“Don’t be afraid to say no. You don’t have to take on more than you want to and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. There’s no point trying to make others happy if it makes you miserable.”
“Protect and respect your boundaries. Take responsibility for your energy management and give time to yourself.”
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Mental health checklist
How are you going?
Everyone’s experience of pregnancy, birth and parenting is unique and brings different rewards and challenges.
Complete our online mental health checklist to see if what you’re experiencing or observing in a loved one could be a reason to seek help.
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