Loneliness and social isolation are common in new parenthood. It can be challenging to make new friends or find time to connect with friends as an adult. It can be even harder as a new parent, when schedules and responsibilities change. If you’re finding it hard to connect with friends or make new friends, you’re not alone.
“The main barrier for me was finding other mums in my neighbourhood and having the confidence to strike up conversation with a stranger. Also, having the energy to start or maintain friendships when you’re sleep deprived is HARD.”
Meaningful friendships and sharing your parenting journey can help you to feel less isolated and manage the challenges that come up as a new parent.
“It’s really easy to lose yourself when you become a parent. Your friends keep you connected to who you are/were before becoming a parent.”
“I felt tired and wanted my own space to rest. But I also enjoyed seeing friends, so it was about finding a balance that worked for me and my family.”
In practical terms, building your community can also be helpful to ease the load when you need extra support.
“As an expat without family around, having friends in my neighbourhood means we’ve had practical support when we’ve been wiped out by gastro or need advice on local services.”
Here you can find practical tips about connecting with friends and making new ones, and our PANDA Community Champions share their experiences of friendships as a parent.
Tips for staying in touch with friends
With new responsibilities and busy schedules, it can feel difficult to stay in touch with your friends. Many parents feel exhausted and don’t have the same energy for socialising as they did before they had kids.
Here are a few ways you can try to stay connected with your friends.
- Send voice notes
- Messages
- Phone calls
- FaceTime/video chat
- Set a regular catch up
- Catch up as a whole family with another family
- Organise playdates with your friends with babies/kids
- Co-parent with a friend for an evening and share the end of day routine if they have a baby or kids too. This might include preparing dinner, sharing a meal, managing bathtime, cleaning up, and getting your baby/kids ready for bed together before heading home.
- Sign your baby/child up to the same activity if your friend has a baby/child the same age
“It's been easier to make and keep friends if our kids enjoy each other’s company, and our partners get along as well, because that makes it easier to catch up as whole family too.”
“Voice notes! I adore hearing my friends’ voices and getting little snippets of what they’re up to. And in return I find it easier to send a quick 2-minute voice note than writing a message.”
It’s also helpful to:
- Acknowledge that it can take a bit of extra effort in this stage of life
- Adjust your expectations of yourself and your friends with children – you might not be able to socialise as often as before kids
“Having compatible schedules is helpful. If it's maintaining a friendship from pre-kids, then it helps me to adjust my expectations of what time and energy I have to offer and be willing to try different ways of keeping in touch.”
“It takes effort for all parties to work out dates that work. It takes patience and understanding.”
Tips for finding new friends when you’re a parent
Where to find new friends
- Playgrounds
- Baby classes and activities (swimming lessons, music classes, playgroups, gymnastics, sports, Storytime at the library)
- Mum and baby exercise classes
- New parent groups (commonly known as playgroups, or mums’ and dads’ groups). These are run by your local council.
- Meetups for parents with similar circumstances (meet other single parents, parents with children with special needs), or meetups for people with similar interests (walking groups, book clubs)
- Meeting other school/kinder/daycare parents through kid’s parties, play dates, school/kinder events
- Facebook groups (for example, groups for your local area for mums/dads, groups for a community with similar interests)
- Friend finding apps
- If you can find time once a week for yourself you might like to join a class doing something you enjoy (for example, sport, pottery, art, music, book clubs). It can be fun meeting new friends with similar interests.
“Playgrounds are great for casual, low-pressure interactions with other parents. This is how I met and made friends with another local dad with a similar aged kid to my own. We just kept bumping into each other at the same playgrounds every weekend and gradually started chatting more and more.”
“I started organising Meetups for Mums (Mamaclub), which sole purpose is to connect mums in their local neighbourhood – and that’s where I met my closest mum friends.”
Tips for approaching new friends
- Ask if anyone wants to grab a coffee after a baby class
- Suggest meeting up at a park or play centre with your babies/children
- Ask another parent to go for a walk with your babies in their prams
- Strike up a conversation with someone new when taking your baby/child to their regular activities such as swimming lessons, music classes, or playgroups
- Find common interests to chat about
- Know that it’s okay if you don’t ‘click’ with someone
“Finding a mutual interest is good to break the ice for exchanging numbers. ‘I’ll message you that recipe’, ‘I forget the name of that restaurant, but I’ll ask hubby and text you.’”
“If they also have kids and our kids have interacted, it can be easier to plan a play date between the kids when you are still in those early stages of getting to know each other. This could be at a park or indoor play centre if going to someone’s home is too awkward in the beginning.”
Managing social anxiety
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Lower your expectations
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Take the pressure off
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Go at your own pace
Remember that many other parents would love to have a new friend, and just like you they may feel shy or anxious about starting a conversation.
“Having the mindset of ‘I can’t be the only person in this room looking for a friend’ helped to reduce my social anxiety and made it easier to approach other mums. Chances are, they’re feeling similar to you and would be grateful for a chat with a friendly soul like you.”
“I remind myself not to project into the future and wonder whether or not we will become friends. If someone doesn't want to talk, I remind myself to not take it personally.”
“Even if it doesn’t go anywhere, it’s a really positive interaction that brightens my day. I found the first time I struck up the confidence was the most nerve-wracking moment, but it got easier after that because I have always been met with kindness.”
Friendships change and that’s okay
It’s important to remember that you won’t always feel as busy, tired, or lacking the energy to put into friendships. Show yourself compassion if you haven’t had time and energy to see your friends. Friendships ebb and flow, change, grow, or fade, and that’s okay.
As you navigate pregnancy and early parenthood, you may find it easier to reconnect with friends. You may discover which friendships are most meaningful to you and prioritise putting your energy into them. You may find that you prefer having a small circle of close friends, or you may find that you value having a larger circle of friends.
“Don’t over think it. If you don’t want to actively seek out friendships, you’ll find they will naturally happen throughout the years.”
“Do what works for you. Be curious and open to meeting new people and start a conversation. See what happens.”
Finding support
Loneliness and social isolation are common in new parenthood. If you’d like to speak to someone, the PANDA Helpline is here for you.
You can speak to someone on 1300 726 306.
Monday-Friday 9am-7.30pm
Saturdays 9am-4pm
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PANDA National Helpline
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1300 726 306
Call 000 for police and ambulance if you or someone else are in immediate danger
Talk with friends or family
Consider talking about how you are feeling with someone you trust. This might be a friend or family member. Once you starting talking you might be surprised at how many others have had similar experiences and the support they can provide you.
Talk with your doctor
Talking with your doctor can be an important step to getting the help you need. They should be able to give you non-judgemental support, assessment, diagnosis, and ongoing care and treatment. They can also refer you to specialists such as a counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist.
Get help now
If you are having suicidal thoughts or are feeling disorientated it’s important to get help immediately. PANDA is not a crisis service, if you need immediate support call Lifeline 13 11 14 (24/7).