Developed in collaboration with Spectrum: specialising in Personality Disorder and Complex Trauma.
Borderline personality disorder is a mental health condition that affects the way people think and feel about themselves and others, and how they interact. Borderline personality disorder is characterised by extreme sensitivity to interpersonal challenges, a shifting (or wobbly) sense of self, intense emotions, difficulty managing feelings of distress, and impulsive behaviours.
Some people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) describe it as living life like you’re an exposed nerve – raw and extremely sensitive.
A history of childhood trauma is common for people who have BPD.
If you are pregnant or parenting with BPD, you may be worried about the past, and its impact on who you are as a parent, and your relationship with your baby.
It might be helpful to know that you can be the parent that you want to be, even if you are diagnosed with BPD.
With good support in place, you and your baby can thrive. The best thing we can do as parents with BPD is get support for our mental health and parenting.
What we do know about BPD
- Anyone (of any gender) can be affected by BPD.
- It can feel overwhelming, impacting sense of self and relationships with others.
- BPD is treatable.
- With the right mental health support, many people experience relief from symptoms of BPD.
- People with BPD can be excellent, loving parents.
Misconceptions about BPD
There are a lot of misconceptions about BPD that can affect how we feel about having BPD and accessing care.
If you’ve searched BPD online, you may read things like BPD is ‘incurable’ or ‘impossible to treat’, or that ‘women with BPD are attention-seeking’ when they self-harm or attempt suicide.
These attitudes and perspectives are outdated and can be harmful.
What causes BPD?
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition that affects approximately 4% of the Australian population, and people of all genders can experience BPD.
Research suggests that traumatic childhood experiences may affect brain development in people with BPD, increasing sensitivity to stress when we’re older.
Sometimes, the stress of traumatic events – and pressures of daily life - can leave us feeling unable to cope in moments of crisis.
Signs and symptoms of borderline personality disorder
- Strong fear of abandonment and trying to avoid real or perceived abandonment. This fear can lead to acting in ways you don’t want to, seeking reassurance, or becoming very upset. It is important to know that this fear is real, but it does not mean you are unworthy of love or support
- Persistent feelings of emptiness, feeling emotionally numb and disconnected
- Lacking a strong sense of self, wondering who you are
- Pattern of intense, volatile relationships, for example, loving someone one moment, disliking them the next, as well as ‘all or nothing’ feelings about other people
- Internalised feelings of shame, despair and self-loathing (aggression towards oneself)
- Externalised expressions of anger, frustration or violence (aggression towards others)
- Impulsive behaviour (for example, spending, sex, substance use, dangerous driving)
- Stress-related episodes of strong paranoia, dissociation and/or psychosis-like experiences
- Self-harm urges and behaviours
- Suicidal thoughts and behaviours
Chronic stress and BPD
In moments of high stress and uncertainty – especially when we’re feeling physically or emotionally unsafe - our nervous system activates, and we may start acting on impulse.
With BPD, we can get stuck in a chronic stress cycle. This happens when our brains send frequent signals to our nervous system to release stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. We may feel unable to shift from an over-active ‘fight or flight’ nervous system response into a more relaxed ‘rest and digest’ state.
Some signs of daily, chronic stress include:
- Insomnia or over-sleeping
- Relationship conflict
- Appetite changes
- Brain fog/ inability to focus and concentrate
- Irritability and agitation
- Anxiety and panic
- Low mood and depression
- Gut and digestive issues
- Unexplained aches and pains
- Increased substance use
When the stresses of daily life start to feel overwhelming, this can be a trigger for more severe symptoms of BPD, like self-harm and/or suicidal thoughts and behaviours.
If life is starting to feel really stressful, it’s a good idea to chat to someone, and explore support options. You can find someone to talk to on PANDA’s national helpline, Monday to Saturday on 1300 726 306.
BPD and parenting
Sometimes, when we have BPD, we may also have very high, unrealistic expectations of ourselves as parents. It’s common for all parents, not just parents with BPD, to struggle with frustration, and to dislike some aspects of parenting.
There are some great parenting supports available for parents with BPD including Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) groups held online or in person. Group sessions may focus on coping skills to help you manage mental health, parenting and relationships. You’ll also have the chance to meet and make friends with other parents living with BPD.
If you’d like to learn more about managing BPD during pregnancy and early parenthood, you can call PANDA on 1300 306 726, and explore these resources from the BPD Foundation:
Stories
Articles
Parenting resources
Articles
Practical stress management and coping skills
PANDA National Helpline
Find someone to talk to, Monday to Saturday.
1300 726 306
Call 000 for police and ambulance if you or someone else are in immediate danger
Talk with friends or family
Consider talking about how you are feeling with someone you trust. This might be a friend or family member. Once you starting talking you might be surprised at how many others have had similar experiences and the support they can provide you.
Talk with your doctor
Talking with your doctor can be an important step to getting the help you need. They should be able to give you non-judgemental support, assessment, diagnosis, and ongoing care and treatment. They can also refer you to specialists such as a counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist.
Get help now
If you are having suicidal thoughts or are feeling disorientated it’s important to get help immediately. PANDA is not a crisis service, if you need immediate support call Lifeline 13 11 14 (24/7).
Mental health checklist
How are you going?
Everyone’s experience of pregnancy, birth and parenting is unique and brings different rewards and challenges. Our mental health checklist can help you to see if what you’re experiencing or observing in a loved one could be reason to seek help.