These few simple words are an attempt to let someone close to us – a partner, a family member or a friend – know that we have a need. It may be the need for more couple time, a need to have a break from the children, or a need to be heard during a more vulnerable time. The way we communicate our needs will often shape and define the kind of relationships we have.
Generally speaking, honest interactions will more likely develop a friendship, expressing messages of support and respect will more likely develop a supportive relationship, and certainly sending hurtful or resentful messages are more likely to develop detached or even hostile relationships.
Communicating a need from our vulnerable, soft place can be challenging and sometimes uncomfortable. If we are also tired or stressed, we are inclined to communicate from a more defensive position. For example, expressing with anger can be an attempt to protect a feeling of hurt or sadness.
Take a moment to consider your style, or even your pattern of sending a message that is important to you. How does the other person receive it? Do you send a text in a spare moment in the day, or do you not say anything at all and hope that he/she can read your thoughts? Do you make eye contact? Are you aware of your body posture, facial expressions and tone of voice? So many ingredients in the mix, it is no wonder that our messages get misinterpreted along the way!
We all have needs and it is vital that the people close to us understands them, and responds to them respectfully and vice versa. Communicating our needs mindfully increases the chance of being understood and having our needs met. These are indeed special moments and help us feel connected to ourselves and to others.
