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Self-care: Parents and infants

Self-care is not just good for you, it’s also good for your baby. Looking after your physical, mental, emotional and social health needs may help you to feel more supported and less stressed as you become a parent.

Dad connects with his baby while doing the dishes

Babies need emotional and social connection just as much as adults need a self-care routine.


Simply ’being with’ your baby is beautiful bonding and connection time.

You don’t have to do much and there’s no equipment needed. Just being present with your baby is enough for them. Whether they are in-utero, a newborn, or crawling around the room as they get older, you are more than enough, just as you are. Even if you’re having a hard day, all your baby knows is that you are there with them.

There are many simple, no-cost bonding activities you, your partner, family and others can use when you are caring for your baby.

Often it’s as simple as changing something you are already doing to include a focus on baby’s relaxation, and your own. You might like to start trying some of these simple baby activities to connect with your baby.

Use everyday activities to help you connect

In the early days, there’s a huge focus on caring for your baby's physical needs (feeding, sleeping, nappy changes). The good news for tired new parents is that all these physical care activities are also opportunities for bonding and connection.

1

Talk to your baby through pregnancy and during birth

2

Hold, massage, connect

3

Feeding

4

Sleeping

5

Nappy changes

6

Kangaroo care

7

Other bonding ideas

Being with baby


During pregnancy, birth, and the first year of being a parent, taking care of yourself is important. Self-care is not just good for you, it’s also good for your baby. Looking after your physical, mental, emotional and social health needs may help you to feel more supported and less stressed as you become a parent.

Self-care for pregnancy and new parenthood

Playing with your baby doesn’t always mean extra effort or planning. Often it’s as simple as changing something you are already doing to include a focus on baby’s relaxation, and your own. You might like to start trying some of these simple baby activities to connect with your baby.

None of these activities take long, and they can be done at any time.

“As soon as I felt I was allowed to show the people closest to me that I wasn't coping I felt able to tackle this head on with their help.”

Josephine

It's OK if it takes time to bond with your baby

Sometimes connecting and bonding with your baby after they’re born can take time. You feel like you are meeting this person for the first time, but you’ve already “known” them throughout the pregnancy. Suddenly they are here in the world and you’re caring for a new, tiny person. You will both need time to build your relationship and get to know each other.

After your baby is born, they will be comforted by touch and close physical contact. If you feel overwhelmed after birth (which is normal) cuddling your baby in a quiet space is a way to re-connect with yourself and move into life as a parent.

Callers to PANDA’s National Helpline often share with us that they didn’t feel an immediate connection and bond with their baby. This is very normal. Many parents mention feeling sad, concerned something might not be right. They may feel that they have missed out on a major milestone moment with their baby. 

Love and trust take time to nurture and grow. Very few of us would fall instantly in love with a stranger we meet on the street. Yet community and media can promote unrealistic expectations about parents falling in love at first sight with their babies. Sometimes the only overwhelming rush we feel when meeting our babies for the first time is relief that we made it through the birthing experience. And that’s okay. There’s plenty of time to connect and bond with your baby over the weeks, months and years to come.

“Communicating your needs comes secondary to understanding what you need. Being able to know what you need is powerful.”

Rachel

The best care for baby: Being with you


The best care for baby is simply being with you. Looking at each other, cuddling, soothing, being nearby and responsive. Connecting, in the simplest ways.

For now, your presence, and the soothing sounds of your beating heart and breath are all your baby needs.

If you’ve read this and it all feels a bit overwhelming, please know you’re not alone.

When your own mental health and wellbeing needs are supported, you’re in a much better position to support and care for others, including your baby.

Looking after yourself is one of the most loving, protective things you can do for your baby, and yourself as a parent.

PANDA’s counsellors and peer support volunteers are available if you’d like to talk through your own experiences.

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Everyone’s experience of pregnancy, birth and parenting is unique and brings different rewards and challenges. Our mental health checklist can help you to see if what you’re experiencing or observing in a loved one could be a reason to seek help.